Pimp My Sasuke One More Time!
by La-Garce-Fille
Summary: Final Part. Sasuke still wants to be a pimp. But will his new idea on how to be one actually succeed?
1. New Idea, New Problems

**LGF:** -playing with her love whore-

**Sasuke: **Steph…

**LGF: **What, Sasuke?

**Love Whore: **Mew -purr-

**Sasuke: **Aren't you supposed to be working on a certain story…?

**LGF: **…No?…Oh. You mean the next installment of "Pimp My Sasuke?"

**Sasuke: **Yes!

**LGF: **Eh. -puts love whore down- Maybe later.

**Love Whore: **Mew. -leaves to get food/water-

**LGF: **-blink- Okay. I'll do it now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto /or/ anything that has to do with the words "Pimp My" other than "Pimp My Sasuke" and "Pimp My Sasuke Again." (which I suggest you read if you haven't read them yet. )

Part three of a trilogy.

So, without further _adieu_, the third and final part of a "Pimp My Sasuke" trilogy: "Pimp My Sasuke, One More Time!"

* * *

Well, it's been a month. Yes, a month since Kakashi got the chase of his life.

It was a peaceful day in Konoha. Unless you were a member of Team 7, in which case, I suggest you hurry up to your team practice that started about two hours ago…

_/Team 7 Training Session/_

Naruto jumped out of the way of yet another one of Sakura's kunai. It was target practice day, and guess who was the target…

Anyway, while Sakura did her best to embed one of her kunai into the blonde shinobi, our little Uchiha avenger was definitely not into the fight.

Sasuke had his mind on other things. If you know Uchiha Sasuke for even a minute, you would be very well aware that he's not one to simply give up. On anything. Period. And, unfortunately, that even means that he's not willing to give up on being one of the only twelve-year-old pimps…

'_I need to think about this. Any woman I asked kept trying to kill me, so maybe women aren't the best people to be whores. But, Kakashi-sensei's books all had /woman/ whores in them…Wait! There was one that had…I have to tell Naruto!_'

Sasuke turned his attention back to the fight. Naruto and Sakura were engaged in hand-to-hand combat while he still hid in the trees. He looked around for Kakashi and found him still sitting under a sakura tree, reading his ever-precious Icha Icha Paradise book. '_Hm…I'll get rid of Sakura first,_' he thought, jumping out of the tree.

Sakura and Naruto's fight ceased once they laid their eyes on their Uchiha teammate. They had completely forgotten that he was even there for they had not seen him in a while.

"Umm…hey, Sasuke. What's up?" Naruto asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Well, I just wanted to suggest that we all go do something after training," he answered, thinking about how dumb and out-of-character that sounded.

While Sakura was amazed that Sasuke wanted to hang out with _her_, our favorite blond ninja figured out that something was **seriously** wrong!

"Alright. Who are you and what have you done with the **REAL** Sasuke!" he shouted, pointing accusingly at Sasuke.

BANG!

"Hey! Don't talk to Sasuke like that, baka!" the angry pink-head yelled, banging Naruto on the top of the head. Naruto clutched his poor, aching head while Sakura continued to yell at him for accusing Sasuke of anything.

Sasuke blinked. '_Morons,_' he thought dully, then decided to break this dumb argument up. "Hey, Sakura, Naruto. Listen, you guys need to chill out. I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out after training. I mean, I was looking in the paper this morning and I saw how Sakura's favorite store was having a _sale_, and-"

His explanation was interrupted by the squeal given off by his kunoichi teammate. "Oh, my God! A **sale**! Ah, I've gotta go. See you guys later! Bye, Kakashi-sensei!" And, with that, she was gone. Running off to the 'sale' that her favorite store was supposedly having.

'_Well, _that_ was easy,_' Sasuke mentally mused. '_Now, to take care of Kakashi-sensei…_'

Kakashi appeared seconds later before his two remaining students. Pulling his book down so that they could see his eyes, he coolly asked, "Where's Sakura going?"

"She's going off to a sale that Sasuke-teme told her that her favorite store was having," Naruto answered, still rubbing his head. Sakura hits hard!

"Ah," Kakashi replied, looking to said Uchiha for confirmation.

"Yeah. I read about this morning in the paper. And, Kakashi-sensei, I also read about how the book store got the newest edition of Jiraiya's book series…" Sasuke commented, looking as innocent as ever.

"Really?" Kakashi asked, looking anxious to get to the book store.

"Mmhmm."

"Well, without Sakura, I think our training session's over. Have a good day, boys," Kakashi said, waving his farewell to the two before poofing off to the book store.

There was silence.

"So, Sasuke. Wanna go get some ramen?" Naruto queried, looking to the smirking clan avenger.

"No, Naruto. But, I've got an awesome idea."

"Really? Does it involve ramen?"

Sasuke sweatdropped. "**No.** But, it does involve us being the twelve-year-old pimps that we wanted to be."

"Eh, I don't think I want anything to do with that, Sasuke. Sorry," he replied, placing his arms behind his head and starting off to Ichiraku's.

"Wait! Naruto! What are you talking about?" Sasuke called, catching up to the hungry blonde.

"Well, we tried to be pimps. But, every woman we asked either avoided us or kicked our asses. I mean, Hinata-chan _still_ faints whenever I say 'hi' to her. I'm over being a pimp. But, if you still wanna be one, go right ahead."

"But, Naruto! I've figured out how we can be pimps _without_ getting our asses kicked," Sasuke beamed.

This caught the blonde's attention. "Really? Well, how?"

"We ask **men**."

Naruto thought about this a second, then laughed. "Yeah, right, Sasuke. There's no such thing as a _male_ prostitute!"

"No! There is. I read about it in one of Kakashi-sensei's books."

"The same one that told you about prostitutes in the first place?"

"No. That was the first volume. I read about male prostitutes in the second."

"Oh. Well, I guess that could work. I mean, men **were** women during the first six weeks of pregnancy."

Sasuke's eyes widened. "How do you know that?"

"Huh? Oh, I read that in one of Tsunade-baa-chan's books 'cause she was yelling at me about calling her 'baa-chan'," Naruto explained.

"Oh. I didn't know that. That makes this idea all the more awesome! Well, dobe? What do you say? You wanna join me in being a twelve-year-old pimp one more time?" Sasuke asked enthusiastically.

"Well…I guess, teme. It sounds like it should be easier. And fun." Naruto answered, a little more excited than he was earlier.

"Perfect. Let's do it!"

"Yeah!"

The two genin high-fived each other as a substitute hand shake. And, the deal was struck. Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto were going to be the twelve-year-old pimps of Konoha's, not only first prostitution ring ever, but the first _**male**_ prostitution ring ever!

Oh, dear Lord…

* * *

Well, there it is. The first chapter of "Pimp My Sasuke, One More Time!" Sasuke and Naruto are gonna be pimps of male prostitutes. Hopefully.

Oh, and I gotta thank my Biology teacher, Mrs. Spencer, for the whole 'men being women the first six weeks of pregnancy' thing. And that is true.

See the pretty button? -points to the button- Good. Review. I'll give you pimp plushies if you do…

-LGF ;)

**Updated:**_7/3_


	2. Just A Death Threat and Some Humiliation

Yay! Second part of "Pimp My Sasuke, One More Time!"

I wanna thank all my reviewers:

**ipcyress**

**KiKi-Burgandy**

**Kyuusho Yume**

**A Dollop A Daisy**

**shinji the good sharer**

**Bio-Electric Anemone**

**Gingerbread Pancake**

**EvilFuzzy9**

**ICHEWBUBBLEGUM**

And, as promised, pimp plushies! -gives reviewers plushies, and snuggles one herself- I heart my pimp plushies…

Anyway, let's get started with the second chapter.

**RECAP:** Sweet, little Sasuke still has the delusion that he wants to be a 12-year-old pimp with his partner-in-crime, Naruto. He has decided to ask /men/ to be prostitutes, this time, instead of women in hopes of not getting his ass kicked so often.

Disclaimer: Me no own, so you no sue.

* * *

_/Ichiraku Ramen Bar/_

"So, how are we gonna do this? Huh, Sasuke?" Naruto asked in between slurps of his ramen.

"Well, let's think. Our male prostitutes need to be hot in the female eye. Meaning, we need guys with fan girls," Sasuke explained, sipping his green tea.

"That's a good idea. But, who?"

"Hm…well, who has fan girls?"

"We do."

Sasuke blinked. "Yeah, but we're the pimps. We can't whore ourselves out. So, next potentials."

The area around the boys went silent in thought.

"We could ask Neji. All sorts of people think he's hot," Naruto suggested, slurping his seventh bowel.

"Yeah. We'll ask Neji. We could ask Asuma, too. He's….hot, I guess…"

"Oh! And Gaara! Let's ask Gaara!" Naruto almost spilled his ramen.

"Um…let's focus on Konoha before we go to other villages. But, on that note, we can ask my big, stupid brother, too. And any other Akatsuki member that could be considered hot."

"Yeah. But…I'm not sure I wanna be there. Your brother and his partner are kinda after me…" Naruto scratched the back of his head.

"Eh. Don't worry about it. Itachi won't kidnap you as long as we offer him something. Like Burger King. The Akatsuki like Burger King."

"O…kay. What about Kakashi and Iruka-sansei? They have fan girls."

Thinking back to the previous encounter with Iruka and recalling that he was still kinda mad at Kakashi, Sasuke simply said, "Let's save them for last."

"Alright. So, who are we looking at: Neji, Asuma, Gaara, your brother, hot Akatsuki members, Kakashi, and Iruka. That all?" Naruto asked, looking at his fingers that were holding count.

"Hm…Add that Genma guy and I think that is. If we come upon any other 'hot' guy, we'll ask. But, promise me something, okay Naruto?"

"Sure, Sasuke. What?"

"Let **me** do all the talking? You just stand there and agree to whatever it is that I say like the good dobe you are, okay?"

Naruto growled, then ate more ramen. "I'll consider it, teme."

"Good," Sasuke flatly replied, sipping some more of his tea. This is going to be one hell of an experience.

_/Team Gai Training Session/_

As Might Gai taught his favorite student, Rock Lee, a 'super-cool' kicking move and Tenten, the weapons mistress, worked on a new attack, Hyuuga Neji sat in a tree, resting.

Well, he _was_ resting until he was kidnapped! Yes, Naruto and Sasuke managed to kidnap **THE** Hyuuga Neji because said genius was not paying attention…

_/Behind Some Rock/_

"AH! What the hell?" Neji cursed, landing on his butt as he was dropped. "Uchiha, Uzumaki! What the hell are you two morons _doing_!"

"Well, we were kidnapping you, but I guess you're too dumb to realize that. Some prodigy…" Naruto scoffed, crossing his arms.

"Why, you little…I'll kill you!" Neji threatened and stood up, his Byakugan activated and ready to destroy the smart-mouth Kyuubi container.

"Naruto! I thought we agreed to let me do all the talking! So, shut the hell up!" Sasuke commanded, hitting his blond partner upside the head and straightening his appearance up. "Hyuuga-kun. My associate and I have something important that we'd like to discuss with you."

Neji deactivated his Byakugan and sat on the ground. "Well, what is it? I was trying to relax before you two came along."

"Hyuuga-kun, if you recall about a month ago, Uzumaki-kun and I came to you seeking your advice with our-"

"Prostitution ring, I remember. Can you please get to the point?" Neji interrupted.

"Oh. Well, yes, I suppose I could. Anyway, Hyuuga-kun, Naruto and I…well…how to put this…"

"Sasuke and I screwed up real bad trying to pimp women. So, we've decided to pimp men and are asking you to be apart of Konoha's first ever male prostitution ring!" Naruto explained, cutting the young Uchiha off. "Well, what do you say Neji?"

Neji was dumbfounded. Has they just asked what he thought they just asked…? "You two must be completely out of your minds! I would _**never**_ consider doing anything like that! I can't believe that you two idiots would have the audacity to, not only kidnap me, but ask me to be a male prostitute! I have never been so infuriated in my entire life!" Neji bellowed, the rage he was feeling very evident.

Naruto and Sasuke took refuge behind a near-by tree to escape the wrath of Neji. After a couple of minutes of yelling, Neji ran back to his team, anxious to vent his frustrations. Sorry, Lee…

Naruto blinked. "Is he gone?" he whispered.

"I think so," Sasuke whispered back.

They came out from behind the tree and looked around. Neji wasn't anywhere in sight and according to his chakra, he had gone back to his team. They sighed in relief. They didn't die by the hands of a mad Hyuuga.

Sasuke hit Naruto in the head again. "Dobe! You said that you would let me handle the talking! But, you screwed up our first potential prostitute. Next time, shut up!"

"You know what, FINE! I'll let you handle the talking that way you can see that you can screw up **without** my help!" Naruto retorted, rubbing his poor, aching head. Sakura's hits still hurt worse, though…

"Whatever," Sasuke sighed. "Let's just go find Asuma…"

"Okay."

And with that, the boys ran off to locate the jounin that had the possibility of having lung cancer.

_/Team 10 Training Session/_

"Keep your guard up, Ino!" Asuma shouted, lighting up another cigarette. These kids could be so…well…

"Aw, man. This is really troublesome," Nara Shikamaru stated in his usual lazy tone.

"Shikamaru! You're not even doing anything! Me and Choji are doing all the work!" Yamanaka Ino complained, pointing at a guy eating a bag of potato chips.

"Yeah. For real. You're just staring up at the damn clouds again," the guy eating the potato chips, Akimichi Choji, said, stuffing another three or four chips into his mouth.

'Aw, man. I really need to get away from these brats…' Asuma thought, observing the argument of his team. A tap on his shoulder caught his attention, though, and Sarutobi Asuma was face-to-face with our two pimp posers.

"Hello, Asuma-san," the boys greeted in sync, with the waves to match.

Asuma raised an eyebrow. "What do you terrors want? Why aren't you training with your own team?"

"Our training session broke-up early. Apparently, our kunoichi and sensei had other matters to attend to," Sasuke explained, he and Naruto taking seats on either side of the jounin.

"I see. So, why break-up _my_ team's session? And why hasn't Blondie over here said anything yet?" Asuma interrogated, pointing to Naruto for reference to 'blondie.'

"I'm not feeling well," Naruto answered, looking to Sasuke for approval of his answer, which he got.

"Right. Listen, Asuma-san. I have a few questions for you," Sasuke said, looking serious.

"Um, sure. Go ahead."

"Do you like women?"

"You saying I'm gay?" Asuma raised an eyebrow.

"No."

"Oh. Well…yeah…"

"Do you like getting laid?"

"Yeah."

"Do you like money"

"Hell yeah."

"Then I have the perfect profession for you, Asuma-san."

"Really? And what is that, Sasuke-kun?"

"Male prostitution."

Asuma blinked, then busted out laughing. "Are you two **still **bent on being pimps? Kakashi told us that you two were done with that! But, I guess he was wrong! And, now instead of women, you're going to whore out men, is that right?"

The boys numbly shook their heads.

"Oh! Oh, this is rich! Boys, listen. Give up this crazy ambition of ever becoming pimps, okay? It's not going to happen!" Asuma laughed more as Sasuke and Naruto stormed off.

"We'll show him, Naruto," Sasuke muttered.

"So, where to next, Sasuke?" Naruto asked, growing a little concerned for his teammate and, dare I say it, best friend.

"Get packed," Sasuke answered. "We're going to **Sunagakure**."

* * *

And, they're off to Suna!

I saw Superman Returns yesterday. Kevin Spacey is the most kick ass Lex Luthor _**EVER!**_

Anyway, read and review. If you do, I'll give you a bowel of ramen!

**Naruto:** RAMEN!

**LGF: **-blinks- Review soon, or else I won't have any ramen left…-locks the ramen in the closet in hopes Naruto won't find it- ;)

**Updated:**_7/8_


	3. The Long Distance Man Whore

Third chapter with the most /awesome/ title ever! Seriously, I heart this chapter title and most of this chapter.

Gotta have luff for my reviewers:

_shinji the good sharer_

_longhairedjuice_

_Bio-Electric Anemone_

_EvilFuzzy9_

_Gingerbread Pancake_

_A Dollop A Daisy_

Ramen for the lovely reviewers! (Yes, Michelle, even you.) -triumphant- I kept it hidden from Naruto long enough!

**Naruto:** -eating ramen-

**LGF: **Okay. Maybe not…

/Any/way. Enjoy the third part, you guys.

**RECAP:** Sasuke and Naruto created a mental list of their potential man-whores. Partially agreeing to let Sasuke do most of the talking, the boys asked old-rival Hyuuga Neji and smoker-sensei Sarutobi Asuma to be part of the male prostitution ring. After almost getting killed by Neji and getting laughed at by Asuma, Sasuke and Naruto are off to Sunagakure, the Village Hidden in the Sand, to ask the Kazekage, better known as Gaara, to be a male prostitute.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd make the show about the Akatsuki with appearances by Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, and Kakashi. Also, this story would definitely happen…all three of them.

_**Man-Whore No's **_

**Hyuuga Neji**

**Sarutobi Asuma**

* * *

_/Sunagakure, Kazekage Office/_

Gaara was annoyed.

I'm not talking normal annoyance; he was annoyed beyond all belief. He was almost at the point of murder. He had been sitting at his desk, ignoring his paperwork like always, when his big sister, Temari, busted into the room and started yelling at him.

That was two hours ago.

She then decided that if he wasn't going to do any work, she would tell him about her day. She had been rambling about some guy that she met at the hot springs for an hour now, and Gaara had already made a mental note to kill this bastard for even **glancing** at his sister. It's a good thing that two future Konoha pimps weren't coming to Suna to ask _her_ to be a whore…

_/Right Outside Suna/_

"I HATE THE FRIGGIN DESERT!" Naruto complained, falling in the dirt of the seemingly never-ending desert hell.

"Um, Naruto. You might want to get up…" Sasuke said, looking up into the sky, watching some vultures circling their area.

"Why?" Naruto mumbled.

"Because I think the vultures are hungry."

"AHH!" Naruto shot up, clinging to Sasuke.

"Dobe, let go! I can't **breathe**!" Sasuke started to look a little blue.

"Oh." Naruto let go, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry, teme. I guess I went a little overboard."

"No duh. C'mon. We have to go find Gaara." The two Konoha shinobi walked through the Suna gates and continued their search for our favorite Mr. Sandman.

_/Kazekage Office/_

"So, anyway. I was all 'yeah my brother's the Kazekage' and he was all 'really? that's pretty-"

"**TEAMRI! **SHUT THE HELL UP!" Gaara screamed, banging his head on his desk, papers flying everywhere.

"Gaara!" Temari scolded, frantically picking up some papers. "What have Kankuro and I told you about keeping your temper under control?"

"I heard screaming! Who'd Gaara kill!" Kankuro shouted, bursting into the room.

"Nobody yet! I have a horrible headache thanks to a certain _**sister**_, and I still have to commit a murder. So, please, just shut-up!" Gaara cried, banging his head on his desk again. "I don't want to hear or see **anyone**! Just…leave. NOW." Gaara lifted his head and glared at his older siblings.

Temari dropped the papers and dragged Kankuro out of the room. Gaara sighed in relief and rested his head against his desk, thankful for the temporary peace and quiet.

_/Kazekage Tower_ (I guess) _, Lobby/_

"I'm sorry, the Kazekage doesn't want to see anyone today," the secretary reported, looking at the boys carefully.

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged glances. "Are you sure? Cuz, we really have to speak with him," Sasuke said, Naruto nodding in agreement.

"I'm very sure. He specifically said that he didn't want to hear or see anyone. And that includes you two. So, come back tomorrow or something," she said, turning her chair away from the boys and starting to file her nails.

"But! We _have_ to see him!" Naruto begged, but to no avail as the secretary simply ignored them.

"Yeah? Well, I don't **give** a damn. He said no one can see him and that means no one-"

"Yuna," an annoyed/angry voice growled form the hallway.

Yuna, the secretary, stopped mid-file, eyes wide with fear as she looked into the seafoam eyes of one Kazekage. "K-K-Kazekage-sama…what are y-y-you doing here?" she stammered.

"Hey, Gaara," the boys greeted, waving at him slightly.

"**This**…is my office. I will go as I please," he stated, nodding in acknowledgement to the visiting ninja. "You two come with me."

Naruto and Sasuke followed Gaara down the hall to his office, smirking smugly to Yuna as they passed her. She cut her eyes at them and went back to filing her nails.

_/Kazekage Office/_

"So, what do you guys want?" Gaara queried, sitting in his chair and resting his head on his laced fingers.

"Well, we came to ask you a question, Gaara," Sasuke answered, he and Naruto looking around the office which was covered in the papers from the commotion earlier.

"Okay then. Don't be shy, have a seat," he recommended, motioning to the seats in front of his desk. "And don't mind the mess."

"Right then," they responded simultaneously, sitting in the designated chairs.

"So, what is it you need to ask?"

"Well, we're here to ask-"

"How's Kankuro and Temari?" Naruto butted in, which, coincidentally, annoyed Sasuke.

"They're fine. Would you like to speak with them?" Gaara glanced at Sasuke then back to Naruto, who was shaking his head in accord.

"Yeah, sure!"

"Very well. They're a couple of doors down on this side," Gaara instructed. Naruto jumped up and bounced out the door, closing it quickly behind him.

"You didn't come here to ask about my brother and sister, did you?" Gaara asked, keeping his eyes on the door.

"I didn't, but apparently, Naruto did," Sasuke responded, also keeping his eyes on the door.

"I see. So, what is it that _you_ wanted to ask, Sasuke?"

"Well, Gaara-kun, it's a rather extensive story."

"I have time."

"Kay. You see, about two months ago, Naruto and I were assisting our sensei in coming up with a job to get money for alcohol. Well, I suggested something that made them think I was crazy."

"And this… 'something' was?" Gaara interjected, leaning back in his chair.

"I'll get to that in a moment. Anyway, a month ago, Naruto and I decided to actually go through with my idea. And…well…it didn't work out so well. We kept almost getting killed."

"Ah. So, you wanted to try and be a kindergarten teacher?"

"…Not exactly."

"Oh. So, what is it that you tried to be?"

"….Well…we attempted to be pimps."

"Uchiha. If you're here to ask Temari to be apart of your whore circle, I'm going to kill you," Gaara deadpannedly threatened.

"We're not here to ask _Temari_ to be a whore, Gaara," Sasuke defended, standing up.

Gaara stood as well. "So, why are you here?"

"Wecametoask**you**tobeamaleprostitute." He moved more towards the door as he saw Gaara's anger.

"You WHAT?"

"We came to ask you to be a male prostitute, but I can clearly see that you're not interested. So, bye Gaara!" Sasuke ran out the door, barely escaping Gaara's sand.

Naruto, Temari, and Kankuro were all hanging out in the lobby, eating some of the pizza that had been delivered and catching up. When Sasuke ran into the room, completely terrified, it would make sense that the trio would be worried about the poor Uchiha survivor.

"Sasuke? Are you alright?" Temari asked, placing her hands on his shoulders, feeling him shaking.

"I'm fine. But, Naruto and I have to go. NOW!" Sasuke lunged forward, grabbing Naruto by his jacket and began running out of the Kazekage Tower and, hell, right out of Suna. When they reached the beginning of the desert, Sasuke dropped Naruto and hunched over, catching his breath.

"So, did Gaara wanna be a man-whore?" Naruto probed, earning only a glare from Sasuke.

"Come on, dobe. Let's get going to River country." And, with that, the boys set out to cross the Wind country desert and journey to River. But, not without some complaints from our favorite blonde shinobi about how much he hates the friggin desert.

_/Kazekage Tower, Gaara's Office/_

"I have no idea why they would just leave like that, Kankuro. All I said was that I wished them the best of luck in being kindergarten teachers and to watch out for 'accidents' that little children like to cause," Gaara explained, finally working on some of his paperwork.

Temari and Kankuro blinked. "Oh," was all they said and left to go eat some more pizza, telling Gaara to take it easy and call them when he was ready to eat dinner.

After the door closed, Gaara used his sand coffin to crush a couple of sand Sasuke and Naruto clones, smirking happily as he signed his name on a paper for a trade agreement between Suna and Konoha. It had been an annoying day, but not without some crushing and near-death experiences.

* * *

Ha, ha. Gaara-kun's so cute.

**Gaara:** Don't call me cute. I'm evil!

**LGF: **No, you're a cutie. Deal with it, Sand Boy.

**Gaara: **-sulks-

Whatever. Review and you get… -looks around and grabs some papers from Gaara's desk- a pretty piece of paper with Gaara's signature on it!

**Gaara: **Hey! Those are important!

**LGF: **I know. That's why they're going to the reviewers. Duh.

**Gaara: **Can't you give them copies?

**LGF: **-sigh- Fine. They can have /copies./

**Gaara: **Thank you. -sands out to make copies of his papers-

**LGF: **He's such a crybaby. Make sure to review.

Until next time, y'all! (Yes, I _am_ Southern.) ;)

**Updated:**_7/15_


	4. To the Akatsuki Headquarters!

Kay, this one's about my all-time favorite character: Uchiha Itachi! I love all the Akatsuki, actually, but I love Itachi more. -sage nod-

I heart my ever-faithful reviewers:

_Gingerbread Pancake_

_shinji the good sharer_

_Bio-Electric Anemone_

_Anasha Alta_

_A Dallop A Daisy_

_ipcyress_

And, as promised, pretty copies of some important papers with Gaara's signature on them. -hands the papers out-

And thanks to _**xAvenirYuinax**_ for being the Beta for this chapter. I luff you bunches, Nat!

Let's get started!

**RECAP: **Sasuke and Naruto arrived at Suna to ask the one and only Kazekage to be a man-whore. After a couple of obstacles, like the secretary and Naruto, Sasuke finally proposed his offer to Gaara. However, said proposal almost got him killed. So, after darting out of, not only the Kazekage Tower, but Suna as well, the boys continue their journey to River Country to ask the important man-whore question of our favorite criminal organization.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Kabuto would worry about a weight issue he thought he had and Orochimaru would do aerobics in a yellow leotard. (Inside joke, don't ask. ;D )

_**Man-Whore No's**_

**Hyuuga Neji**

**Sarutobi Asuma**

**Sabaku no Gaara**

* * *

_/Some Woods Near the Akatsuki HQ , River Country/_

"Sasuke…" Naruto panted, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. "It's been three days. Where the hell is your stupid brother's dumb headquarters?"

"I don't know…But, I hate these woods, I hate the Akatsuki, I hate my big stupid brother, and I hate tacos!" Sasuke proclaimed, thrusting a fist into the air.

Naruto blinked. "Why tacos?"

The fist fell. "I had a bad experience at Taco Bell."

"Oh. Well…is it bothering you? You wanna talk about it?"

"Sure." Just then, the woods went dark. And Sasuke's face appeared via a flashlight that he had just randomly pulled out. "It was a dark and stormy night, and-"

"Uh, Sasuke. It doesn't storm in Konoha," Naruto interrupted, the light coming back into the woods.

"Who's telling the story, Loser. Me or _you_?"

"You…I guess."

"Exactly. So, shut-up." The light left the woods again and Sasuke's face appeared once more under the flashlight beam. "It was a dark and stormy night, and I-"

"Uh, Sasuke." The light lit up the woods once more. "Maybe you should tell me the story later. I mean, we do have to find your brother so we can get back home."

"Yeah, maybe you're right, Naruto," Sasuke replied, tossing the flashlight into a bush and continuing the trip to the Akatsuki headquarters, Naruto in tow.

_/Right Outside the Akatsuki Headquarters/_

" **This is NOT the Akatsuki Headquarters**" Naruto read, raising an eyebrow at the sign above the building that the two wannabe pimps believed was the HQ of the most dangerous criminal organization of the ninja world.

"I think this is the Akatsuki headquarters," Sasuke stated, shaking his head at the idiotic sign.

"Well, then why does the sign say it's not?"

"Duh! Because the Akatsuki are dumb. **No one **is gonna fall for something like _this_."

"You'd be surprised," stated a smooth voice from behind.

Naruto and Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Sasuke…**please** tell me that was you doing a bad imitation of your brother," Naruto said, looking to Sasuke with fear in his eyes.

Sasuke looked back, cutting his eyes first, then shaking his head with the same fear in his eyes.

The two slowly…slowly…slowly… ( **A/N:** Dammit! Just turn around already!) turned around to find…Itachi! Standing behind them, _without_ Kisame! They clung to each other and began to scream, which confused the too-hot-for-his-own-damn-good clan killer.

Five minutes later, they were out of breath! Breathing heavily, our two pimps-in-training managed to glare at the older Uchiha…Okay. Sasuke glared and Naruto fell to the ground, cussing Sasuke, Itachi, and the Akatsuki out while lying on his back, but still. Somebody was glaring…

Sasuke pointed at Itachi, still glaring. "Itachi!"

"Foolish little brother. Naruto-kun," he greeted. Naruto raised a hand. I guess that was his way of saying 'hello'…

Sasuke rolled his eyes and pulled Naruto up. "Stop making me look stupid!"

"You don't need him to look stupid, foolish little brother," Itachi insulted with a completely non-insulting tone.

"Wow," Naruto gaped. "Your brother's good, Sasuke. He burned you without using the burn tone!"

"Shut-up!" Sasuke yelled, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting.

"Um, were you two here for a reason?" Itachi spoke up, shaking his head at the fact that his brother and friend were really stupid.

"Uh, yes!" Sasuke answered. "We're here to ask you-"

"I'm tired. Let's go inside," Itachi interjected, leaving no room for discussion as he started walking toward the Akatsuki Headquarters. The boys exchanged glances, shrugged, then followed the older Sharingan user.

_/Inside the Akatsuki HQ , Living Area/_

"Want some more milk?" Itachi asked the wannabe pimps, pouring some milk for himself.

"No, no. We're fine, thanks," Sasuke answered, grabbing one of the cookies that were offered to them. Naruto was already on his second.

"So. What is it that you two wanted, foolish little brother?"

Sasuke set his glass down and made Naruto do the same. "Well, you see Itachi, about two months ago, Naruto and I were assisting Kakashi-sensei in trying to make money. And, I came up with the solution of all three of us being pimps. But, that didn't go so-"

"PIMPS!" Itachi roared, abruptly standing up and glaring at the two boys with his Mangekyou Sharingan. "Where the hell did you learn about _**pimps**_, Uchiha Sasuke?"

"From one of Kakashi's books," Sasuke squeaked, he and Naruto clinging to each other out of absolute terror of Sasuke's big brother.

"Well. It appears that this Kakashi person is an awful influence on you, Sasuke. You are to never see him again!"

"But!"

"No buts. Go to your room, young man! NOW!" Itachi pointed to the hallway that contained the Akatsuki's rooms.

"I hate you!" Sasuke pouted and ran for the hallway.

Itachi sat back down, chuckling at how naïve Sasuke was while Naruto looked from Itachi to the hallway then back to Itachi. "Um, what now?" Naruto asked, still confused of what the hell just happened.

Itachi smirked. "Five...four...three...two...one…"

"That wasn't funny," Sasuke said as he came back and took his seat back on the couch.

"You should've seen the look on both of your faces. They were priceless," Itachi bragged, grabbing one of the cookies. "Anyway, continue your story."

"We tried to fulfill my solution about a month ago, but we kept getting our asses kicked. I decided asking women to be whores wasn't the smartest of ideas, so…"

"You're asking me to be a man-whore," Itachi assumed, keeping his face stoic.

The boys went into 'cute, little kid' mode. "Please, Itachi-kun?"

"Why would I want to whore myself out to women who are so pathetic that they can't get laid any other way than to pay for it? I'm not that desperate," Itachi harshly stated, biting into a cookie.

"So…you're not gonna do it, Itachi-san?" Naruto asked, making sure he understood Itachi's answer.

Making sure to finish his cookie, he coolly answered, "No."

"Well, **fine**!" Sasuke shouted, standing up and dragging Naruto up with him. "We don't need you! You're a prick, anyway. We'll find guys _better_ than you, Itachi!"

"Okay. Have a nice day, boys."

"Oh, we will," Sasuke declared, holding his head up high and proud.

"Um, Itachi-san? Are there anymore 'hot' guys in the Akatsuki that we could speak with besides you?" Naruto asked, ignoring his baka of a partner.

"Depends. How normal would you like them?"

"Normal?" Naruto and Sasuke questioned, giving Itachi very confused looks.

"Well, one has mouths in his hands and a fetish for blowing things up, and the other is a puppet. But I don't know exactly what he kept fleshy and what he didn't, so he may be of no use to you…."

"Mouths in his hands? Fetish for blowing things up? A puppet?" Sasuke echoed choice words. "Come on, Naruto. We're…leaving…"

"I wanna meet the guy with mouths in his hands!"

"Alright. I'll go get him," Itachi offered, standing up.

"No! We're leaving! Bye, Itachi!" Sasuke dragged Naruto out of the Akatsuki Headquarters, along with the plate of the Akatsuki's cookies.

"How rude," Kisame scoffed, appearing beside Itachi who was standing in the door frame.

"I know. Little punk stole our cookies. Well, I'll fix that. Let's go, Kisame!" Itachi exclaimed, already beginning to head out.

"Where are we going?" Kisame queried, following Itachi.

"To get the one thing that everyone knows are **better** than cookies: Cupcakes!" Itachi beamed.

"Great idea, Itachi!" Kisame appraised. And the two of them left to get cupcakes, while our cute pimps-in-training continued their search for male prostitutes.

So, Itachi and Kisame are off to get cupcakes, and Naruto and Sasuke are off to find more man-whores.

* * *

I love the whole 'Itachi sounding like a mother' thing. Just a fun way to torture Sasuke without really doing anything.

**Deidara:** Why weren't Sasori no Danna and I in there?...yeah...

**LGF:** You were mentioned.

**Sasori:** Not the same.

**LGF:** Umm... -points- Look! Cupcakes!

**Sasori and Deidara:** -look and go to get cupcakes-

**LGF:** -sigh- Continuing on.

Click the pretty button and review! Everyone that does gets one of Itachi's cupcakes.

**Itachi:** NO! Not my /cupcakes/

**LGF:** Oh, suck it up. Not all of them will be gone.

**Itachi:** -pouts- Fine.

**LGF:** Good Akatsuki member. -pats his head- Come on, Itachi. Let's go to Burger King!

**Itachi:** Yay! -grabs LGF and poofs to Burger King- ;)

**Updated:**_7/26_


	5. IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

FINALLY! -dies cuz she finally got around to finishing this chapter-

Um…Sorry for the long wait, guys. -nervous giggle- School started the August 7th (long time ago, I know.) and I've been super busy. Also, I just got really lazy and didn't feel like writing anything. My fault, I know. –shrugs-

Still love my reviewers:

_shinji the good sharer_

_Bio-Electric Anemone_

_ipcyress_

_Katen_

_The Fox Deity_

_Gingerbread Pancake_

_DarkMaidenTerri_

_IcedWings_

Here's your Akatsuki cupcakes! -hands cupcakes to all the reviewers- And for those of you who /haven't/ reviewed, what the hell are you waiting for?

**Itachi:** ;o; My cupcakes…  
**LGF:** And /this/ is an S-Class criminal…-sigh-

Luff-y to _**xAvenirYuinax**_ for Beta-ing! Couldn't post without her.

Let's get started.

**RECAP: **So, the boys arrived at the Akatsuki Headquarters to locate our Uchiha Clan killer/Sasuke's big bro, Uchiha Itachi. After some complaining, dumb signs, and some of Sasuke's 'Bad experience at Taco Bell' story, the boys finally find him. A cookie or two and some freaking out later, the boys are no closer to having a man-whore than when Sasuke first proposed the idea. They're on their way home to Konoha and Kisame and Itachi have bought cupcakes to replace their stolen cookies.

**Itachi and Kisame:** _Which you've given away!_ -pout-

**LGF:** -scoff- Ohh, cry me the River country.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasori and Deidara would teach an art class and someone would knock Hidan out and make him look like a girl. (XD Another inside joke….)

_**Man-Whore No's**_

**Hyuuga Neji**

**Sarutobi Asuma**

**Sabaku no Gaara**

**Uchiha Itachi**

**Deidara**

**Akasuna no Sasori**

* * *

_/Konoha, Ichiraku Ramen Bar/_

"I feel like a damn woman," Sasuke complained, sipping his green tea and glancing over to Naruto. "Whenever we have a problem, we always go straight to Ichiraku's! Why do we always come here?"

"Because they have **ramen**. And ramen is the answer to _**all**_ problems! Duh, dumbass," Naruto scolded, going back to slurping his ramen.

Sasuke pouted. "Don't call me a dumbass, jackass."

"And don't call me a jackass, dumbass."

Silence.

"What now?" Sasuke asked, finishing off his tea.

Naruto simply shrugged, slurping some more ramen. Once he finished his 8th bowl, he set his chopsticks down. "When are we gonna go find that Genma guy?" he asked, gulping some milk and glancing to the Uchiha-clan survivor.

Sasuke thought for a second. "I guess as soon as you're done with stuffing your face with ramen. **Are** you done stuffing your face with ramen or do you want to **add** another 5 pounds?"

Naruto narrowed his eyes at his teammate. "Ha, ha. _**Funny.**_"

"I try," Sasuke shrugged, standing up. "Well? Pay already and let's get going."

"Umm…Sasuke? Can I ask you for a favor?" Naruto laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head and smiling stupidly.

"You don't have any money again, do you?" Sasuke asked matter-of-factly, glancing boredly at his baka teammate.

"I'll pay you back?"

"You always say that!" Despite being ticked off, Sasuke placed the money on the counter and began walking away.

Naruto waved at the owner and ran to catch up to Sasuke. "I swear I'll pay you back this time, teme. Thanks," he said, patting the raven-head on the back.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Look, let's just go find Genma." The two boys left and went to the first place they thought the Jounin would be: the Ninja Academy.

_/Ninja Academy/_

Shiranui Genma and Namiashi Raido were sitting in the Ninja Academy's teacher lounge, eating lunch. It was 12:30, they had been working for three hours, and were already having a bad day.

"How the hell does that Iruka put up with all these damn kids!" Raido exclaimed, dropping his head to meet the table.

Genma removed his senbon. "Because he's younger and has more patience than us?"

"Oh. That makes sense," Raido mumbled, lifting his head up again and propping it on the palm of his hand. "Then why are we here?"

"Hokage forces us to?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Aren't **we** just an elephant this afternoon," Genma sighed, replacing the senbon.

"What?"

"You know the old saying, don't you? You know, the one about elephant never forgetting anything?"

"Hmm…Oh, yeah! I remember it."

"Now he's an elephant." Genma turned his attention to some birds flying outside the window in the teacher's lounge. "Someone's coming."

"How do you know?"

"I can feel their chakra. It's fairly powerful, but no one to worry about."

"What level does it feel like?"

"Dunno. Chuunin, maybe tough genin. Like I said, nothing to worry about."

"Then why bring it up?" Raido was beginning to become confused by Genma's random topics…

Genma shrugged. "Thought you'd like to know."

Raido sighed in annoyance then went back to his lunch.

_/Outside the Academy/_

"Are you sure he's here?" Naruto asked, poking Sasuke in the arm.

"Nope. But, he's a teacher, so looking for him at the academy is a perfect place to start, right?" Sasuke answered, knocking his blond companion's hand away effortlessly.

"I don't think so."

"Well, no one asked you to **think**. Now, come on." Sasuke began to walk to the academy's entrance, leaving a mad Naruto.

'_I'll get you, __**Sasuke**__. Just you wait…_' Naruto vowed mentally, catching up to his raven-haired companion/current hit mark. The two walked into the academy, heading straight for the teachers' lounge. As Sasuke put it: Where else would you find a lazy sensei?

_/Ninja Academy, Teacher's Lounge/_

"Do we have to go back?" Raido whined, banging his head against the table again.

"Yes. We have to," Genma sighed, glancing over to Raido. "Now stop acting like one of the kids and come on, man. We're senseis, so let's **act** like it, huh?"

"But I don't WANNA!" Raido cried, throwing a tantrum with his hands.

Genma groaned in frustration. "Raido, please!"

The tantrum ceased and Raido busted into hysterical laughter.

Genma looked less than amused. "I'll meet you after school," he stated, striding over to the door.

"Genma! I'm sorry! Wait up!" Raido apologized between his chuckles, hurrying over to his long-time friend.

All of a sudden, the door to the teacher's lounge flung open, knocking Genma back into Raido and sending both men to the floor in an awkward position.

Naruto and Sasuke stood in the entrance looking around the room to locate their man-whore target of the minute. Finally looking down, both boys' eye widened and they clung to each other. "AHHHHH! **WE'RE SORRY**!"

Genma was lying atop Raido, his legs on either side of his older friend's. Both men groaned (from being hit by a **door**, Yaoi-fangirls), then realized that the younger ninja were screaming apologies. Wondering why, they looked at their position. Both men shrieked, and Genma jumped off of Raido ripping out the senbon that he almost choked on while Raido was covering his eyes. "**IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE**!" they shouted together, traumatized by what the gutter-minded boys thought was going on.

"Really? 'Cause _it_ definitely looked like _something_!" Sasuke shouted, still clinging to Naruto.

"Make the bad things go away Sasuke!" Naruto sobbed, clinging onto Sasuke tighter.

Sasuke patted Naruto's back. "It's okay, dobe. The bad images will go away soon."

"Okay." Naruto sniffled then let go of his teammate.

Genma and Raido were still disturbed. Still, Genma just wanted them to leave so he could, too. "What do you brats want, anyway?"

"**We** really don't want anything, but we know exactly what **you** want from your friend over there!" Sasuke proclaimed, glaring at the older ninja. Raido and Naruto yelled out their disapproval of the thought.

"Shut-up!" Genma shouted, covering his face, the senbon sticking out thorough his hands. "What do you want from me!"

"Nothing in the sick way _**you're**_ thinking, that's for sure!" Sasuke retaliated, pointing accusingly at Genma.

"STOP IT!" Naruto and Raido commanded, now clinging to each other and crying from all the wrong thoughts being put into their heads.

"You have until three before I'm leaving, munchkin!" Genma stated, standing up and locking eyes with the little Uchiha.

Sasuke pouted. "Don't call me _munchkin_, old man."

"One." Genma started.

"Okay, okay. Naruto and I came here to ask you something," Sasuke finally said, looking to Naruto, who was still clinging to Raido.

"Like what?"

"We wanted to know if you'd like to be a member of the first ever male prostitution ring of Konoha."

Genma was floored. "_What_?"

Sasuke cleared his throat. "Well, we were trying to help Kakashi figure out a way to get some money a couple months ago. I thought it'd be a great idea to be pimps, right? So, last month, Naruto and I went around the village asking different women if they'd be our prostitutes."

"Oh, that was you two?" Raido interrupted, less disturbed.

"Yep, sure was," Naruto beamed, also less disturbed.

"Anyway," Sasuke continued, "all the women kept trying to kick our asses, so this time I decided that asking men would be easier. So? Will you do it, Genma-san?" Naruto ran over to Sasuke to join in the 'cute-little-kid face'.

Genma twitched then violently shook his head. "No! Nu-uh! Never! That's insane! I can't believe this! Ew! No!"

Sasuke and Naruto frowned. They turned their attention to Raido. "Raido-san?"

Raido blinked. "_**NO**_."

The boys sighed in disappointment, then turned to the door.

"Well, thanks anyway," Naruto uttered.

"Yeah, thanks for nothing," Sasuke added harshly.

Both boys lifted their hands up to about the top of their heads. "See ya," they said simultaneously, leaving to find their next man-whore askee.

Genma and Raido exchanged glances.

"I…think I'm gonna call it a day," Genma announced, his head reeling from all the events that had just occurred in a matter of five minutes.

"Yeah. Me, too," Raido agreed, standing up slowly. "I'll see ya later, Genma."

"Yeah. Right back at ya."

There was a slightly loud 'pop' noise, indicating that the two jounin had just poofed out. Shiranui Genma and Namiashi Raido had never been more anxious to go home in all their lives. They were going to have one hell of a time explaining this one to the Hokage tomorrow morning…

* * *

Yay! I finally got the fifth chapter out!

Now, bad part: Next chapter is the last one…

But, anyway. Review! Everyone that does gets…a picture of Genma and Raido in their awkward position! -holds it up-

**Raido and Genma**: -scream then start trying to grab pic- !

**LGF**: -puts it down- No. Now stop being two, or I'll do something drastic. Remember, I'm an authoress and I can control you.

**Raido and Genma**: -sit quietly in separate corners-

Anyway. Be sure to review. ;)

**Updated:**_10/2_


	6. Funerals Make Me Cry

Umm…Hello, World. -smiles nervously-

Okay, I can explain.

Since…-looks to see when she last updated- **Damn**, I mean, October, there's been Thanksgiving, semester exams, Christmas, New Year's, going back to school, my birthday, end of the year, more exams, my job, etc. That's a lot of stuff going on, know? **PLUS**, I lost my inner funny! And one can't write good, humorous stories about little Naruto and Sasuke being wannabe pimps without an inner funny.

But, my inner funny came back thanks to Lil-Fluffy-Chan's _Dating for Dummies_. (Read it; it's amazing!) Therefore, I've been able to finish! -pops poppers-

Gotta love reviewers, right?:

_Katen_

_WhiteWolf Kyoko_

_Xinoria_

_shinji the good sharer_

_DarkMaidenTerri_

_Gingerbread Pancake_

_kakashi-vivi_

_Bio-Electric Anemone_

_picatso_

And, as promised, your pictures of Genma and Raido in an awkward position! -hands the pictures out-

**Genma and Raido: **-crying in a corner with paper bags on their heads-

**LGF: **Pansies.

Luff to _**ruuzu-chan**_ (Formerly known as xAvenirYuinax), my amazing BETA.

So, here you go, my lovable readers: the final chapter of 'Pimp My Sasuke One More Time!'

**RECAP:** Continuing their search for man-whores, Naruto and Sasuke decided to seek out Genma, who was at the Ninja Academy with his good friend, Raido. However, when the boys arrive, they see the two older men in a…compromising position, one in which they caused by opening the door. After freaking out on both sides, Genma, and Raido too, refuse the offer to be sexy man-hoes, leaving our wannabe pimps to go and sulk at their favorite ramen bar.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd be so friggin rich…-sighs-

Also, I don't own the disease mentioned in the second setting on the chapter. My friend actually made it up while being bored in Biology. (You know who you are. ;D )

_**Man-Whore No's**_

**Hyuuga Neji**

**Sarutobi Asuma**

**Sabaku no Gaara**

**Uchiha Itachi**

**Deidara**

**Akasuna no Sasori**

**Shiranui Genma**

**Namiashi Raido**

* * *

_/Ichiraku's/_

"I should just stop asking, shouldn't I?" Sasuke sighed, sipping his strawberry milk.

"You just **now** figured that out?" Naruto countered, diving into the bowl of ramen the ramen chef's daughter, Ayame, set down for him. "What's with the strawberry milk, anyway?"

"I like it, okay? It's different. Trying to add spice into my life."

Naruto blinked. "Don't you mean variety?"

"Same difference." Sasuke waved his hand dismissingly. "Who's the next target?"

Naruto finished his ramen and set his chopsticks down. "Well, going by the list that we made at the start of this, only Kakashi and Iruka-sensei are left."

"Hmm…let's ask…Kakashi first."

"Why him?"

"Because I said so. Are you questioning my authority?"

Naruto tried to not crack up. "What authority?"

"What do you mean 'what authority'? _My_ authority. You should be respecting my authority."

"Why?"

"Because I'm older."

"And…?"

"Stop making fun of my authority!"

"Okay. Stop whining like a bitch and I will."

"I am not whining like a bitch." Sasuke pouted, firmly denying.

"Uh-huh. Sure. And I hate ramen."

"Good, then maybe now we can stop coming here." There was a short pause. "By the way, I'm telling the chef."

"_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_!" Naruto began sobbing.

"Tch. _Now_ who's whining like a bitch?" Sasuke stood up and began walking away.

"Teme! Wait up!" Naruto shot up, left his pay on the table, and ran to catch up to his mean companion so that they could locate their wonderful, perverted sensei.

_/Meanwhile, with Kakashi/_

"Hatake-san. It hurts me to say this, but you have Hydroaquaitis. I'm…sorry," the doctor informed, hanging his head slightly.

Kakashi blinked. "The…WaterWater disease? The hell's _that_?"

"It is a serious disease in which the body absorbs too much water and explodes within three days!"

"Then why does that sign say '**Hydroaquaitis is NOT a real disease**'?" Kakashi pointed to a sign behind him to emphasize his point.

"That? Oh, that's just something my niece made for her science fair project," the doctor explained, laughing nervously and lightly scratching his cheek.

"Then why does the sign next to it say '**Hydroaquaitis is seriously NOT a real disease and I hope you're not dumb enough to fall for it**'?" He pointed to the sign next to the first one.

"Stop reading signs!" The doctor was becoming annoyed. "I'm a friggin doctor and I know what the hell I'm talking about!"

"But, that's the thing! You're _**NOT**_ a doctor! Your degree is nothing but a picture of a dog dressed as a doctor with 'I'm a doctor' under it! Written in lime-green ink! And you don't even have any siblings, which means you can't have a niece!" Kakashi sighed. "I mean, seriously, Ebisu. I came here to ask you for some money, not a damn checkup."

The doctor, or should I say Ebisu, sat in a chair and pouted. "Stop making fun of my dreams, Kakashi!"

Kakashi shrugged. "I'm not. I'm simply saying you're a Tokubetsu Jounin, so start acting like one." He stood up and headed for the door. "I'm gonna go find someone who can buy me lunch. See ya later, **Doctor**." Kakashi waved boredly, chuckling slightly, as he left.

"I _am_ a doctor," Ebisu pouted some more, glaring at the younger ninja as he left.

_/Ninja Academy/_

"There. All done," Umino Iruka stated happily, placing his stack of graded papers on his desk and glancing at the clock. "That took a little longer than I expected, but oh well. Now, to pack up and get something to eat."

It was 3:30 and all the little children had gone home to annoy their parents instead of their teachers. Iruka was one of the last left in the academy for all the other teachers needed recuperation from their daily torture. But, not Iruka. He was like an oak tree: tall and sturdy in the harsh blowing of the tornadoes. Well…maybe not _tall_, but definitely sturdy.

Iruka gathered his papers and set them neatly in his desk drawer. He put the red grading pen in his dreaded pen cup, its rightful place as a tool of torture to the children's papers, and looked around the room. He scanned his beloved classroom with his evil, teacher hawk-eye for anything out of place, sighing contently to see everything in order. Rising, the brown-haired chuunin stretched his arms way over his head and strode over to the widow. Taking one last glance at the peaceful village, Iruka was just about to close said window when he was stopped, and startled, by the sudden appearance of one silver-haired jounin.

"Oh, good afternoon, Iruka-sensei. I had no idea you were still here," Kakashi said cheerfully, waving happily at the teacher who was totally not buying his story.

"Good afternoon, Kakashi," Iruka responded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why don't you tell me the reason you're really here so I can go and get some lunch."

Mentally damning the brown-eyed chuunin's annoying teacher senses, the older man placed an arm around the younger's shoulders, smiling jauntily. "Actually, speaking of lunch, I was just wondering-"

"If I would buy you some?" Iruka interrupted boredly, glancing up at the silver-haired copy-nin.

Hatake Kakashi: Master of The Cute-Little-Kid Face. "Please, Iruka-chan?"

There was a brief silence between the two ninja. Iruka sighed loudly and grabbed his things, heading for the door. "Well, c'mon, you big baby," he commanded, waiting impatiently for Kakashi.

Kakashi clung to Iruka's arm and proceeded to drag him out of the room and building. "Let's get going! That ramen isn't going to buy itself."

"This better not be expensive," Iruka forewarned sharply. "And you better be on your best behavior. No dirty novels better come out of your pocket. **At all. **And you're paying me back every cent you make me spend on you, understand?"

"But Iruka…" Kakashi whined childishly, foolishly hoping that the whining would convince the strict teacher to change his mind.

"No buts, Kakashi. You're not getting a free lunch off me." So much for _that _idea.

Kakashi crossed his arms and pouted. "_**Fine.**_"

_/Meanwhile, with Naruto and Sasuke/_

"Hm. We've checked the Jounin Lounge, his house, the book store, and the movie theater. But, no sign of Kakashi," Sasuke stated, looking around the area. "I wonder where he could be."

Oddly, there was no response from the blond ninja.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and glanced at Naruto. Said boy was lying on the ground with a piece of paper and a pencil, doing some odd calculations. "Naruto," he began, resigned to some inane answer of some flavor, "What the hell are you doing?"

Naruto paused and let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm trying to calculate the amount of kilojoules per mol with regards to our chances of actually succeeding in finding and convincing Kakashi to be a male prostitute." He looked up and cut his eyes at Sasuke. "**Duh**, teme."

Sasuke blinked. "But…what do moles have to do with this?"

The blond scoffed. "**Everything.** Don't you even know what a mol _is_?"

"That depends. A mole can be," Sasuke held out a picture, "a small mammal that lives underground." He tossed the picture of the mole aside and help out another picture of an old lady's face. "Or a mole can also be a scary beauty mark that appears on some women's, and even men's, faces." That picture was also tossed aside and a new picture that read 'One mol 12 grams of Carbon-12' was held up. "_**OR**_ a mol could be a scientific measurement of atoms."

Naruto's eyes widened. "There's a **THIRD** definition!"

Sasuke's eyes lowered as he sighed. "Baka. _Of course _there's a third definition. There's always a third definition no one knows about."

"Yeah! Why is that, anyway?"

"Because the world hates you. Now, are we gonna go find Kakashi or not?"

"Yeah, sure. Let's go," Naruto shrugged, crumpling up the piece of paper that held the weird calculations and throwing it away in the near-by trash can. The pencil was left for the birdies or squirrels to use to help plot their hostile takeover of the world.

_/Ichiraku's Ramen Bar/_

Iruka sighed satisfyingly. "Nothing like a few bowls of Ichiraku's ramen to make a day, huh, Kakashi?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Kakashi answered, his eye twitching from lack of Icha Icha reading. Both men had enjoyed a couple bowls of ramen, Kakashi being careful about how much he was costing the younger man, in the ten minute time span they had been at the bar. That equaled ten minutes without Icha Icha for Kakashi and he was dying. 'Damn Iruka and his no-reading-amazing-books-in-his-presence rule!' he cursed inwardly. His book was calling to him from his pocket and he couldn't answer because of stupid Iruka!

"I hope you're not planning on taking out that disgusting book of yours while I'm sitting here, Kakashi," Iruka declared in his all-knowing-eyes-in-the-back-of-his-head-teacher voice, rubbing his full belly.

Kakashi forced a smile. "No, of course not, Iruka. I would never do anything like that." He rose. "Well, I think I should be going. I've got some important things I have to be doing and I wouldn't want to be a burden to you on your time off. I do appreciate the meal you've treated me to, Iruka, and I'll pay you back tomorrow. Ja ne." The infamous copy-nin waved and disappeared in a cloud of gray smoke.

"Important things," Iruka repeated mockingly. "He's just going off to read his damn porn." The chuunin paid for the dinner, gave his farewell to the chef and his daughter, and continued on his way home.

_/With Sasuke and Naruto/_

"Hey, hey, hey! I see him!" Naruto exclaimed, dragging Sasuke to a near-by hammock that contained the boys' porn-reading, perverted sensei.

After ditching Iruka at Ichiraku's, Kakashi had gone off to his 'secret' Icha Icha Paradise reading hammock. Unfortunately for Kakashi, his dirty-novel-reading-hammock was placed in the park in the plain sight of little children. So, while the little children tried to play dodge ball, they couldn't help but look over at the weird old man giggling into his book.

Sasuke sighed. "Of all places to read porn…He's cracked, hasn't he?"

"He wasn't cracked before?" Naruto retorted, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Good point." The raven-head sighed again. "Okay, dobe. Let's get this over with." The two boys put on the business-pimp-faces and strode over to the infamous Copy-Nin, ignoring the stares from the little children playing games.

"Hehehe…he should not have said that…now she's gonna-"

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto interrupted, pouncing onto the older man.

Kakashi shrieked and dropped his book. Realizing what annoyance disrupted his reading, he glared at the blonde with his visible eye. "Naruto! What the hell are you doing?"

"Sasuke-teme and I have come to ask you a question, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto grinned and jumped off of the perv, joining his less enthusiastic teammate.

Kakashi promptly retrieved his prized book and flipped through to locate his lost page. "This 'question' had better be important, you two. I was at one hell of a part."

Naruto elbowed Sasuke, signaling him to begin. "Well, Kakashi. As you know, Naruto and I have been working very hard on a self-given mission."

"You have? Since when?"

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged glances. "You mean, you didn't know?" Naruto asked, giving a strange look to his sensei.

"Nope. I just thought you two were being lazy and just hanging out at home," Kakashi confessed, pausing in his reading for a second to shrug, then dove right back in. "In actuality, I hadn't even noticed your absence."

The boys growled, but calmed themselves quickly. "Anyway," Sasuke continued. "Naruto and I have been out and about attempting to collect some men to work for us."

"Work?" Kakashi chuckled, at the boys this time and not the novel. "And what kind of work will they be doing?"

The boys beamed. "Male prostitution!"

Kakashi choked. Were they _**STILL**_ on about being pimps? Didn't they realize last time that their idea was NEVER going to work!

"So, Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto continued. "Would you be willing to be apart of Konoha's first ever male prostitution ring?" Cute-little-kid-faces come out a lot in this tale.

"NO!" Kakashi gasped out, still in complete shock that the boys were not going to give up the ludicrous plot to be pimps.

The boys frowned. "Well, then, do you think Iruka will do it?" Sasuke probed since it was obvious Kakashi was a lost cause.

"If you ask him, he'll **KILL** you!" Kakashi warned, scared to death that he was gonna get blamed for this.

"Yeah, I thought as much," Sasuke admitted, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Well, dobe. What do we do? No one will be in our prostitution ring."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah." He sighed. "Well, this sucks. We just wasted, what, a week and a half of our lives?"

"Basically."

"Week and a half!" Kakashi repeated, his one-seen eye going wide. "You've been at this for a week and a half?"

The never-gonna-happen-pimps nodded carefully.

Kakashi groaned and rubbed his temples. "Boys. This has got to stop. You two can't be pimps and I wish you would stop trying. You are gonna get into more trouble than you think you are. So, please _**stop**_ this foolish idea about being any type of pimp at all. Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?" He glanced up.

"Got any 2's?" Naruto asked, looking carefully at his hand.

"Go fish," Sasuke told him, smirking proudly as his hyperactive companion grumbled and pulled a card from the deck.

Kakashi twitched. "Umm, hello! I was telling you two something, you know."

"Yeah, we know. We just got bored," Sasuke said, deciding which kind of card to ask for. "Got any Queen's?"

"Okay, enough of Go Fish!" Kakashi demanded, grabbing up all of the boys cards and throwing them into the near-by trashcan.

"If you wanted us to stop, you could've just asked, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto reprimanded, shooting a glare to the jounin, Sasuke nodding in agreement.

Kakashi took a deep breath. "Okay, let's try this again. Maybe a visual will help." He grabbed the two boys and poofed off to his house.

_/A Couple Hours Later/_

"So, any final words, boys?" Kakashi questioned, staring happily at the little grave.

All three of the ninja were dressed in black. Kakashi had suggested to the boys that this kind of visual would be the exact thing to get the idea of being pimps out of their heads forever. Sasuke was being uncharacteristically emotional, crying softly and wiping his tears away with his random Uchiha-handkerchief he had found in a drawer. Naruto wasn't crying, but he still looked forlorn considering the event. They had to bury the idea of ever becoming pimps.

"Yep," Naruto replied boredly, rubbing his stomach. "I'm hungry."

"I've got some final words that are actually in relation to this tragic event!" Sasuke exclaimed, covering his face with his hands.

"Okay, Sasuke. Go ahead," Kakashi encouraged, lightly pushing the young avenger forward to give his atonement.

Sasuke sniffled. "About two months ago, Sasuke/Naruto-Pimpies was born. And now, tragically…IT'S _**DEAD**_!" He sobbed loudly for a few seconds, then continued. "I hope, in the next life, little idea, you find even more love and more success than you have in this one. I LOVE YOU!" Sasuke sobbed again, clinging to Naruto, the latter patting the older boy on the back for comfort and shaking his head in sorrow for the deceased.

"God, Sasuke. Stop being so _**emo**_." Kakashi demanded, narrowing his eyes at the boy with emotional issues.

Sasuke scoffed. "That's like telling me to stop _breathing_."

Kakashi sighed. "Little emo, brat-face…" he muttered, searching in his pocket for his beloved book.

Sasuke shot a glare to his beloved sensei. "What was that, you perverted old man?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing, nothing. Anyway, now that this is done, I'm going back to the park." And, with that, the Copy-Nin poofed back to the park, leaving the poor, grieving genin alone.

"C'mon, teme," Naruto said. "Let's go get some ramen and you can tell me that Taco Bell story, okay?"

Sasuke nodded his head and threw his handkerchief away. "Well, it was a dark and stormy night in Konoha, and I was on my way to get some tacos at Taco Bell. Anyway, while on my way…"

The boys walked off to Ichiraku's for some more ramen while Sasuke continued his story about his bad experience at Taco Bell. The two twelve-year-olds would never be pimps, and I guess they just had to accept that.

* * *

_**THE END!**_

Well, that's it. No more. My ever-successful 'Pimp My Sasuke' trilogy is finally complete.

-sniffles- This must be what J.R.R. Tolkein felt like when /his/ trilogy was finished! -cries-

-regains composure- Okay. Well, time for the boring end credits! Yay!

**((You can skip over this and just review if you want, guys. ;D ))**

So, first, I wanna thank all the members of the cast (in order of appearance):

**Pimp My Sasuke:** Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Hatake Kakashi.

With mentions of Haruno Sakura.

**Pimp My Sasuke Again:** Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Neji, Tenten, Yuuhi Kurenai, Sarutobi Asuma, Mitarashi Anko, Might Gai, Ayame, Umino Iruka, Haruno Sakura and the animal crackers!

With mentions of Tsunade, Rock Lee, Yamanaka Ino, the ramen guy(whose name is actually Teuchi), Inuzuka Hana, Hyuuga Hinata, Uzuki Yugao, Shizune and Nara Shikamaru.

**Pimp My Sasuke One More Time:** Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Hatake Kakashi, Hyuuga Neji, Sarutobi Asuma, Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino, Akamichi Chouji, Sabaku no Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, Yuna(Gaara's made-up secretary), Uchiha Itachi, Hoshigaki Kisame, Shiranui Genma, Namiashi Raido, Ebisu, Umino Iruka and the little kids in the park that play dodge ball!

With the mentions of Might Gai, Rock Lee, Tenten, some hot guy at the hot springs, Deidara, Akasuna no Sasori, Lord Hokage and the evil 'we're plotting to take over the world' birdies and squirrels.

And, of course, can't forget my reviewers:

_Pimp My Sasuke:_ longhairedjuice, Cookie of Doom, Reiyuka Yumikoto, Shinju no Hikari, KakashisGirls, Mistress of DragonFlame, Shadow Fox000, TheSunshineGirls,lovesucker, RetardRiter, Numbah169, shelwyn

_Pimp My Sasuke Again:_ KanjixShika, longhairedjuice, , Bio-Electric Anemone, If-This-Disturbs-You-Then-Walk-Away, Katen, Cookie of Doom, A Dollop A Daisy, LemonLiciouS, Shinju no Hikari, RetardRiter, HighestEchelon, ..Rescue., Numbah169, shelwyn

_Pimp My Sasuke One More Time:_ ipcyress, KiKi-Burgandy, Kyuusho Yume, A Dollop A Daisy, shinji the good sharer, , Bio-Electric Anemone, Gingerbread Pancake, EvilFuzzy9, longhairedjuice, Katen, The Fox Deity, DarkMaidenTerri, IcedWings, ICHEWBUBBLEGUM, WhiteWolf Kyoko, Xinoria, kakashi-vivi, picatso, HighestEchelon, O-Renji-Un, shelwyn

To all of the fabulous reviewers: I seriously can't thank you enough. It's you guys that stuck with me through all of the trilogy. So, as a major atonement of my appreciation, I present all of you with 6-foot tall Naruto and Sasuke chibi pimp plushies!

-huggles- Aren't they precious?

I also have to thank my fabulous BETA, **SilkyRain** (formerly known as ruuzu-chan /AND/ xAvenirYuinax ). Luff you bunches, hun!

Well, I guess that's all. This is where we totally part ways, you guys.

**Sasuke:** No more pimping-ness? -sniffles-

**LGF:** Nope. No more pimping-ness, Sasuke. -shakes head-

**Naruto:** _WHY! _-sobs with Sasuke-

**LGF:** Because. There's nothing left to attempt to pimp. We've done women and men. The only thing left would be animals, but that's just wrong. And I'm not writing a story about that.

**Sasuke:** We could pimp animals! It'd be…weird, but we could do it!

**LGF:** -sighs- Face it, boys. There's not going to be anymore 'Pimp My Sasuke', kay? You _**buried**_ the idea and everything!

**Naruto **and **Sasuke:** -pout and sulk-

**LGF:** -rolls eyes and ignores them-

So, yeah, this is it. The end. The end of everything! Well, everything related to a Sasuke-pimp.

I heart all of you guys and I'll hopefully see all of you on some of my other works.

_Au revoir, mes amis!_ ;)


	7. Notice!

_**I'VE POSTED A SIDE-STORY TO 'PIMP MY SASUKE ONE MORE TIME'! :D**_ (Yeah, I couldn't leave it alone...)

Here's a sneak peek:

_"I don't think this is the right way to be doing this, Sasuke…"_

_"Shut-up. It's quick, easy, and painless. They won't feel a thing."_

_Sasuke was currently in the process of 'exterminating' ants with a magnifying glass. Quick, easy, and painless. Yeah right._

_"Are you sure they're not feeling anything?" Naruto questioned, observing the little withering ants over Sasuke's shoulder. "Cuz they look like they're in a lot of pain…"_

_"Well, they're not," Sasuke retorted, moving on to the next little victim._

_"Then why are they-"_

_"Naruto," Sasuke disrupted, still burning the little, red vermin to death. "Why do you always have to question everything I do or say? Look, I came up with this idea, so I know what I'm doing, okay? The ants are fine, there's no problem."_

_"If you say so…" Naruto consented, still regarding the scene with a wary expression as another ant bit the dust. Or, became dust in this case._

_"What the hell are you two doing?" a mysterious voice from the trees demanded, startling the murderers. _

_They exchanged quick looks, already knowing who the voice belonged to, and cast their eyes to the, now-visible, owner of the voice._

_He was the same age as Naruto and Sasuke, with curly, almost afro-like, brown hair, big coat, and sunglasses. Yes, he was none other than the bug-loving Aburame Shino!_

_Naruto and Sasuke shot up, Sasuke hiding the magnifying glass behind his back quickly, and they waved nervously. "Hi, Shino…"_

_Unfortunately, Mr. Shino was NOT in a happy mood. He jumped down from his perch and glared at the teammates through his dark glasses. "I'll ask again: what the hell are you two doing killing those poor, defenseless ants!"_

_Their eyes widened and they exchanged freaked-out looks. Shino was not one to get angry, but when he did, look out._

_"Ants? What ants?" Naruto responded, clearly scared out of his little mind._

_"I don't see any ants here," Sasuke added, trying to hide the murder weapon even further behind his back. "And we definitely weren't burning them with a magnifying glass."_

_Shino's eye twitched and he pointed into the hubbub of the village. "Go. Now."_

_--_

It's called '**Alternatives**', so go and check it out. (It even includes the Sasuke/Taco Bell story!)

Love.

-LGF ;)


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